Please remove my insides....

My trip to the surgeon was a success, there was not begging or pleading on my behalf. 

I’m currently waiting on a  phone call from the Surgeon’s nurse or fairy god mother and advise me of my operation date or as I call the day I claim my eating habits back, yes the Gallbladder is being removed and fingers crossed I will be all good to gorge over Christmas. The lovely surgeon has placed me on the urgent but not life threatening list (the surgeon is a god) so I should expect a call any day now, which also means I need to pack my bag in anticipation of the phone call, it feels a bit like waiting to go into labour but no happy little bundle of joy at the end of it all – maybe I can ask for my gallbladder and bring that home.

In other news I have an appointment this week for another independent review of my work cover injury.  I can believe it has been almost 12 months to the day that my foot was run over by the buggy and still we are no closer to anyone having any answers – MY doctors have answers and I have moved forward and started my own treatment and have reached acceptance of my resulting injury just melding into my life but clearly 4 doctors opinions is not good enough hence the independent review set up by the insurance company – so stay tuned.

Two weeks ago I got the call from Injury Management confirming that there is in fact admin work at head office that needs to be done, so much excitement on my behalf but then the old question was asked “what the hell do I wear”.  Now not having been in an office/corporate environment for a while I was stumped on the appropriate attire, so sadly (actually happily) hubby and I went on a shopping expedition to try and find appropriate clothing.  As I head into my third week at head office my clothes are “on point” and I have slotted in without any fuss and I have to say I am absolutely loving every damn minute that I am there, it feels great to have a purpose every day and to be working in a team atmosphere but I do miss my station crew and but it is nice not having trains going over the top of you every 10 mins so head office and I are getting on brilliantly.

So I sit here on my bed reflecting on what I have going on at the moment and I’m feeling positive which is not something I have felt for a while.  It has also dawned on me that it has been 12 months since my Fibromyalgia diagnosis and fingers crossed once the independent review has been sorted and once my gall bladder has been removed I can move forward and just deal with living day to day with my Chronic Illness and hopefully my next update will be the obligatory photo of my in a hospital bed drugged up and ready to be wheeled into the operating theatre ♡

Did not expect THAT

For the last 3-4 weeks I have been feeling slightly off – not particularly ill, just not feeling great.  

It started with abdominal pain which I assumed was all part and parcel of fibro so I just brushed it aside and continued with life but 2 weeks ago I noticed that whenever I was eating particularly if it was a big meal or when eating three decent size meals my stomach would bloat/swell.  At first I put it down to my Irritable Bowel and my doc and I agreed that we didn’t really want to introduce more medication so we decided to try some Mylanta for a week and see how we go. 

Over the week I noticed that the pain was increasing and I was in excruciating pain after one particular meal and since then I have not been able to stomach food nor tolerate it without any pain.  So I have been surviving on toast, crumpets or BBQ shapes.  Now I know I wanted to lose weight but this was not the way to go about it but even if I was trying to lose weight It wasn’t working as I was noticing that the swelling was still occurring – so to re-cap basically everything I was eating was causing some form of swelling to the point that I could have been mistaken for being in the FAMILY way again and to top it off my pain was increasing each day.

So back to the doctor and after declaring that despite the Mylanta was working to some degree with my digestive issues (no details required here) I was feeling pretty crap – it helped that today was the worse I had felt so she could see first-hand, and to help things along I drew over my stomach to highlight the areas of concern.  Now I honestly thought it was still my Irritable Bowel but no it’s turned out that I have a Stomach Ulcer!!! Now I was not expecting that at all – so now we are back on the “test merry-go-round” bloods, ultrasound and possibly a camera shoved down my throat yuck!!!!

I’ve gotten pretty good at pin pointing what is normal pain or balance issue for me and have been able to self-manage with medication, pushing through the pain or rest if needs be, but I’m still struggling with “when to seek medical advice” for any new or existing pain, I tell myself that if the pain gets too unbearable I will drag myself to the hospital.  Had I seek medical advice sooner I wonder if this Ulcer could have been avoided instead of me ignoring it?  I will never know the answer to this but all I do know is that I just need to get manage the pain and get through this next round of tests and hopefully they will all come back showing nothing abnormal and fingers crossed that the medication is working and to start enjoying food again and continue on my Weight Watchers journey :)

#downbutnotout

SMART Program

I recently went to an Information Session called – SMART Program (Self-Management and Resource Tools) and walked away feeling well informed.

The aim of the SMART program is to increase our knowledge on persistent pain and to introduce patients to an active approach in managing pain and to help develop strategies.  We talked about the types of medication that we may be on and what type of effect it may have on you long term.  I have already spoken about the immediate side effects of my medication but I didn’t even give much thought what long term effects the medication may have, nor did I really think about being pro-active in having the relevant blood tests to ensure that I am not developing any sort of long term effects now because of the medication – I suppose I was just caught up in the cycle of “I’m in pain and whatever it takes I will do”, so this has been food for thought for me.  We briefly touched on “Is Medication a cure, what else is there”.  This is something that I have definitely thought of so it was good to see that the program does encourage other methods of managing pain but it can be bit of a viscous cycle as I have found.  The need and want to do some exercising sometimes blows up in your face when you spend the next couple of days recovering, so instead of being the “go hard or go home” mentality I need to adapt my thinking to “slow and steady wins the race” and the big take home for me was “once the nerves have been damaged they may heal but will never behave the same as they did before the injury/damage”.  Once this statement had been stated, everything become so clear.  Research has shown that people who develop Fibromyalgia have developed the condition possibly after an accident/injury/illness and for some reason this creates an increased sensitivity to in the Nervous system.

I have been pouring over the paperwork that was handed out at the session and after reading and thinking about the information, I feel that I am doing everything within my power and capabilities to try and adapt to my new normal with the exception of setting myself some goals.  It’s all well and good for me to take my meds everyday but I feel I can be doing more.  I have a one on one session with an Occupational Therapist next week to discuss one of my goals and I have selected the one that I believe will be critical in helping me feel like I have a purpose and will give me back the old fire in my belly. 

Stay tuned :)

Why do I have good days?

This week I have had days where I wake up feeling really good and there have been days where I’m ready to throw myself under a bus and this got my thinking, why is it some days I wake up feeling better than others.

I had one morning in particular where I woke up and the fogginess and confusion didn’t seem to be hanging around and it’s days like this that I want to bottle this feeling and it makes me want to get all the things done that I can’t do when I’m having a bad day.  Anyway back to why I have good days and I realise that I have subconsciously made some changes to my life and I like to think that this has played a part

•  Drinking lots of water, sometimes up to 2.5 litres a day, lucky for me I love water so this has been an easy one for me to stick to but I have found when I don’t drink enough water I feel sluggish.

• Cut out a lot of junk food/processed food but still indulging maybe once or twice a week.  I found myself whinging about my weight gain whilst shoving a biscuit in my mouth!!! Medication plays a huge part in the weight gain but eating crap is just not helping my cause

• Routine…now this is a big one for me and it’s one that has taken me a while to get down pat.  Waking up at the same time every morning and going to bed at the same time every night has allowed me to take my medication at the same time each day and it has also helped with getting the correct amount of sleep at night

• Embrace the good and letting go of shit.  There are just somethings that you just need to not waste energy or emotions on.  For pretty much the whole time my husband and I have been together he has always said “don’t stress about things that are out of your control” sadly it took me to get sick to finally realise this – don’t confuse this though with frustration because this condition can leave you feeling frustration beyond belief but these days I just let a lot of things slide because there are much more things I can be using that energy for.

• Having a bath every night – now, this one is just something everyone should indulge in if they can, it not only helps my muscles and joints it also allows me to just lets me block out all the white noise in my life and just be in the moment.  My perfect world would be to sit in a bath 24 hours a day at optimum temperature of about 24 -25 degrees, absolute bliss :)

• Laughter  -  Everyday you can pretty much guarantee that I'm laughing and its usually because of something I have done or said, one must learn to laugh at themselves.

Now I can’t say that all these things are the magic answers nor does it stop me from having really bad days, but it has helped bring some order and structure to my chaotic life.  

Now tomorrow could be a complete disaster and everything may go to pot but, I’m in a better place now than I was 6 months ago when I had no structure and quite frankly feeling like fish out of water 

Why do I have good days?

This week I have had days where I wake up feeling really good and there have been days where I’m ready to throw myself under a bus and this got my thinking, why is it some days I wake up feeling better than others.

I had one morning in particular where I woke up and the fogginess and confusion didn’t seem to be hanging around and it’s days like this that I want to bottle this feeling and it makes me want to get all the things done that I can’t do when I’m having a bad day.  Anyway back to why I have good days and I realise that I have subconsciously made some changes to my life and I like to think that this has played a part

•  Drinking lots of water, sometimes up to 2.5 litres a day, lucky for me I love water so this has been an easy one for me to stick to but I have found when I don’t drink enough water I feel sluggish.

• Cut out a lot of junk food/processed food but still indulging maybe once or twice a week.  I found myself whinging about my weight gain whilst shoving a biscuit in my mouth!!! Medication plays a huge part in the weight gain but eating crap is just not helping my cause

• Routine…now this is a big one for me and it’s one that has taken me a while to get down pat.  Waking up at the same time every morning and going to bed at the same time every night has allowed me to take my medication at the same time each day and it has also helped with getting the correct amount of sleep at night

• Embrace the good and letting go of shit.  There are just somethings that you just need to not waste energy or emotions on.  For pretty much the whole time my husband and I have been together he has always said “don’t stress about things that are out of your control” sadly it took me to get sick to finally realise this – don’t confuse this though with frustration because this condition can leave you feeling frustration beyond belief but these days I just let a lot of things slide because there are much more things I can be using that energy for.

• Having a bath every night – now, this one is just something everyone should indulge in if they can, it not only helps my muscles and joints it also allows me to just lets me block out all the white noise in my life and just be in the moment.  My perfect world would be to sit in a bath 24 hours a day at optimum temperature of about 24 -25 degrees, absolute bliss :)

• Laughter  -  Everyday you can pretty much guarantee that I'm laughing and its usually because of something I have done or said, one must learn to laugh at themselves.

Now I can’t say that all these things are the magic answers nor does it stop me from having really bad days, but it has helped bring some order and structure to my chaotic life.  

Now tomorrow could be a complete disaster and everything may go to pot but, I’m in a better place now than I was 6 months ago when I had no structure and quite frankly feeling like fish out of water 

The Week I Wish I Could Forget.....FAT chance!!

This week has been a hard and long slog. What started out as a good week turned into a week fraught with pain and discomfort?

On the 24^th August I was called “fat”.  Now I’m not very good with dates and remembering things but being called fat is something unfortunately you don’t forget.  Now I’m not naïve to the fact that I have put the weight on and I don’t feel that I need to justify it but I do feel that my weight is something that I need to get under control.  So Monday after work I started my new workout regime with low impact exercises and some weights thrown in for good measure, as I’m not really keen for the tuck shop lady arms and after I was finished I had a soak in the bath and felt quite good about myself…

Tuesday morning I woke up to feeling quite horrendous – my whole body had decided that it was going to slowly but surely malfunction.  I had pins and needles in my feet, my muscles were burning, my head was pounding, my back was spasming, my foot was burning and I felt like I was getting a head cold as well.  Throughout the day the pain intensified the more I was cleaning and walking around and all I could focus on was getting to the 3pm mark and just going back home, I even messaged my husband and said please don’t call me pain is insane and I just can’t conduct a conversation in the foreseeable future and as the days progressed the pain was still there but was settling as each hour passed until we finally got to a usual pain level of 4-5 which is normal for me.

Now that I am at Friday I do wonder if it was from the exercising or was it my body just telling me it’s time to really slow down and just rest.  What scares me the most is that I use to be that person who would go to the gym every day and exercise my ass off, I would be that person who would occasionally go for a run, I even ran the 10km Sydney Bridge run 4 months after fracturing my wrist in two places and enduring 2 operations with a further one a few months after the run, so to not be able to do low impact exercising and to not be able to do my job to my full capacity infuriates me and scares the shit out of me.  It’s not just the fibro it’s the foot injury which is a big part of the problem and from the looks of things it’s never going to get better or back to its former self, so I know find myself at a real cross-roads, and which ever path I travel unfortunately it will be out of my control.

So after the week from hell I’m now following doctor’s orders and only working 4 days a week with Wednesday as my rest day. As for what my working life holds for me, I can’t be certain and only time will tell but for today I feel like I’m through the pain fog and will start back on the exercise regime next week and fingers crossed all will be ok….

Let’s hear it for socks & shoes

Last week I have hit another milestone.

After 9 months of only wearing ballet flats I have finally been able to place a shoe and a sock over my injured foot…YIPPEE and insert gentle happy dance!!!!

My injury from last November has left me with a foot that may never return to its former self and while this has left me feeling frustrated and at times feeling like a spectator in life I needed to come up with a game plan that would allow me to feel like a participant and not a spectator.  My plan was to increase my medication regardless of the side effects and just plough ahead and it looks like my plan worked. 

Now anyone that knows me knows that once I start to feel good then there really is no stopping me, so my excitement was off the scale when my doctor and Injury Manager agreed to me working 3 hours back on the floor alternating with 1 hour admin and 1 hour cleaning on a daily basis for the next fortnight and then review again with the hope of me being cleared to resume normal duties. So I have started my new regime and have found new energy and whilst my foot bloody hurts together with the rest of my usual hurting areas, I find that I can almost ignore it whilst I’m busy being productive and using my body again, but of course I possibly overdid and spent Saturday in almost complete shutdown which I suppose was to be expected, but waking up Sunday morning feeling better I know that my body can and will sustain what I throw at it but I am always remembering the many voices of those closest to me when they say - slow down and take it easy, don’t over-do it and to quote my mum “Rome wasn’t built in one day and it doesn’t matter how long it takes as long as you are making progress”.

While I will always have Fibro and Complex Regional Pain Syndrome and many other issues, and that will never change I now feel that I have a bit of my old life back and each day I will push myself harder than the day before because I know that I can do whatever I set my mind to and I as a side note, due to the increased walking I have lost 0.6kg – life is good #mynewnormal