Listen to your body

The last couple of weeks have been an eye-opener for me, quite literally J

I have been noticing some visions issues of late ie, things blurry, not able to focus on things until I put my glasses on, things still out of focus even with my glasses on.  I had even noticed that it felt like there was a film of gel over my eyes and no matter how hard I rubbed them nothing made any difference so I would just wait it out and eventually my vision came back to normal.

About 9 days ago I was walking to the station and out of the blue I lost complete sight in my right eye, again I did the usual rub the eye – nothing, clean my glasses – nothing so again I just waited it out for about 10-15 minutes and made my way slowly to the station.  By the time I got to work I was ok but feeling slightly off but continued as usual throughout the day at work with a slight headache.  

Now at this stage I just put the vision loss to a potential migraine but thought I will just mention it to the doc when I see her in two days’ time.  Imagine my surprise when I tell my doc and her reaction was "ummm this can be a sign of a stroke and probably should off gone to the hospital".  So she ordered an urgent ultrasound of my Carotid Artery to ensure that there was no blockages and strict instructions to go to the hospital if it happens again.

When looking at the signs for a TIA or Stroke I can honestly say that I get these symptoms on a daily basis and when living with a Chronic Illness it is very hard to know what is part of the illness and what is a new symptom – there has been a few times my doctor has said to me “your really should of gone to the hospital” Now I’m sure there is an inner voice in me that does tell me to go to the hospital but I obviously ignore it for the same reasons we all do – I’m too busy or I really don’t want to sit in the ER for hours on end, I will just take a couple of Panadol and get some sleep, I need to cook dinner and the list goes on and on. Without getting all preachy I cannot stress enough how important it is to LISTEN TO YOUR BODY…Its turned out for me that I wasn’t having a stroke or TIA thank goodness but I spoke up and said to my doc things are just not right, there has been a shift in how I’m feeling and some days’ it feels like I have regressed back to the beginning, so that been said I now have to make an URGENT appointment with an Eye Specialist and when I see my neuro next month request that we run another MRI just to be on the safe side – it’s possible that all the vision issues are due to migraines but as I wasn’t getting a slap around the head migraine thing happening it best to get the MRI done.

So to everyone out there that has something niggling or just doesn’t feel right, I plead with you to get it checked out, even if you think it is nothing it could very well be something, without your body working to full capacity then you cannot be the best version of yourself and as for me well I like to think I’m unbreakable which can only mean I’m close to perfection J

Fuck it!

I remember the days when it would take me 24 hours to generally recover from a hangover and I would to think that was hell, now I find myself taking nearly two days to recover from a bit of light walking!!!

Saturday I decided to make the most of the nice day and headed into the city for a bit of walking around and maybe treat myself to a coffee.  Now, I find myself on most days having an internal argument which goes along these lines “grrrr I’m hurting, yes but you need to go to work, yes but I don’t think I can do it, yes but you know once you get there you will be fine and on and on it goes!!! When it comes to working and life I set very high expectations of myself and anything less is not acceptable and I’m finding now that this is my stumbling block.  Having time in the office due to my foot injury it has given me time to reflect and figure out what I really want and the conclusion is “physical work is just not for me anymore” and when I think, oh I can do it, it will be fine, I think back to the nights I would come home in such agony from walking and pushing my body beyond it capabilities and all because I set the bar so high for myself.   For the last 8 months I have forgotten what that pain felt like until this weekend.  It was suggested by my doctor and Injury management that I try some light duties back on the floor at work and see how my pain levels and overall health goes – so I have agreed to a one week trial for 1 hour each day because if you don’t try you will never no, but more on that towards the end of the week. 

Back to Saturday, whilst it was enjoyable I now feel like I have a hangover that just won’t go away….I hit my low on Saturday afternoon when I had to ask my husband to dress me after getting out of the bath, as the urge to puke and pass out while lying down was too overwhelming…and Sunday afternoon was a real treat,  I realised that slowly the pain is becoming a 12/10 – nothing is working, the pills don’t work, and It’s another 7 hours before I can take anymore, the hot water bottle is not working, sitting is painful, lying down is uncomfortable, the body starts to sway when walking,  it feels like a force is pulling me back when I’m standing still, the head is full of stuff and even my toes and finger tips ache – they are hurting now while typing and all I want to say it fuck it – fuck you fibro, fuck you vertigo, fuck you meds for not working

And here we are Monday morning and again the internal argument started but the perfectionist in me won and the pain is probably a 10/10…so today whilst I’m at work and feeling really pissed that I feel like a 73 year old, and that my body has gone to pot again, I’m going to sit and whinge to anyone that will listen and also count down the minutes until I can go home and whinge a little bit more…

Thanks for listening ♡

When you get out of bed

There are days were the desire to do anything other than sloth on the couch, with my blanket and just watch mind numbing television are quite appealing but then there are days where you are present and accounted for and this particular Sunday I was present.

We ventured out as family for a bit of car shopping.  Our Son had finally gotten his P’s and was now ready to put his big boy pants on and hopefully purchase his first car and after looking at lots and lots of cars he finally found one that he loved. 

Life is full of opportunities and missed opportunities and I for one was not going to miss this “first time” milestone.  I’ve never been a competitive person, I’m always happy to come second in the middle or last, but I have found myself lately competing against “fibro” and finding that I’m coming out in front.  It makes me feel that I’m living how I should be and not to the confines or constraints or my illness

So congratulations my son on the purchase of your first car, I hope it gives you many years of enjoyment and memories and I’m so happy that I could share this moment with you. Drive safe :)

PS….when are we doing a maccas run….